What this really is, in layman’s terms, is the right to have a say in things that could impact your child or children. They are often spelled out in a legal custody order or parenting plan but they are not the only rights that one has. I am asking you to accept a crazy analogy today. It’s my crazy idea that parent roles and parental rights are a lot like musical parts, and that parental involvement can be compared to the creation and performance of a musical composition. What is legal custody? When people ask me what rights does a parent without legal custody have, my answer is simple: just what you can exercise without that right. This can vary by state to state or province to province, and it can also vary depending on one’s individual situation. In Pennsylvania, legal custody is the legal right that parents have to make big decisions concerning their children’s lives. In simple terms, it means the right to say who your child will be, what they will do, and when they will do it.
As with notes on a staff, there are times when parental rights and roles overlap, and times when they do not. For example, every parent may have the right to make healthcare decisions for a child, but what if one parent’s decisions involve surgery, or psychiatric testing? The legal custody order may give both parents rights and responsibilities toward those decisions, but the result may leave one parent shut out of a situation for which only he or she is qualified and respected. This is because legal custody also means “who gets to decide.” When a court grants one parent legal custody, that parent is the final arbiter of those decisions that involve safety, well-being, and growth.
Does it matter, if your ex has legal custody? Yes. A significant impact on a child’s life means a separate part in your musical score. It does not mean that there is nothing that you can do, which is documented in the next sections. Just as musicians share a score at times, and at times examine it from different points of view, so too are parents able to co-parent and reach agreements in the spirit of working together for the benefit of a child. If legal custody amounts to having a lead role in the composition of a child’s life, there are other roles that, although less flashy and outwardly prominent, still have a major impact on development.
Since legal custody involves having a voice in the decision-making process, there are times a different role is needed. Sometimes, you need to come into the studio, produce, and make your mark behind the scenes. If the other parent has legal custody, you can still play. You can attend lectures, visit art exhibits, go to medical appointments, transport a child to therapy and back, spend weekends with your child and talk about your interests and passions. For a parent without legal custody, there is no such thing as a minor part. There are opportunities to interact and be present. There is room for instrumental solos, and harmonizations. When you do not have primary custody, you still have the opportunity to include a child in your world. You can teach them about words, music, buildings. You can teach them to appreciate the arts, and to use their hands and minds to express their imagination. In many cases, your influence can lead to personal growth and development, then to independence, and then to success.
Visitation is a specific legal right. It is your right as a parent to meet with, speak with, and have time with a child during periods of time in which the child is not physically with you. For some parents, visitation rights boil down to basic, once-a-week type of access. Visitation works best when the parent has a key measure of access with multiple options for including a child in his or her daily life. This access can improve a child’s confidence, and lead to a sense of self-worth. It also means that the parent has the ability to talk, to listen, and to share a worldview.
In some instances, good parents live in student dorms, 200 miles away from home. Since they are not present to provide parenting, why should they exist only to contribute financial support for a home or apartment that is far away? For parents who are not familiar with a legal custody order, things can become overwhelming. If you want to know what rights you have, you have options. It is important to speak with an attorney at law who can explain parenting plans, schedule information, and individual issues that may be impacting your case.
To illustrate the importance of parental involvement, consider the following: parent and child relationships reflect the need to be included in a child orchestra and the practices or rehearsals that precede what is eventually heard in a concert hall or street corner. Many excellent songs first emerged from living room performances, secondhand renderings of existing works, and even the occasional elevator exchange. For a parent without legal custody who wants to play an integral role in child development, the same is true. Sometimes, being involved means taking the time to sit down with your child and ask them which options they prefer. Sometimes, you have to just get out of the way and let a child develop with minimal input. Sometimes, it is necessary to respectfully go against the wishes of your child, and assert your idea of what is best for a child. These are decisions made in response to unique situations.
Unlike the duties of legal custody, however, the rights and roles concerning promotional and public aspects of a child’s life rest in the hands of the parents. Sometimes, the level of input may be small. Sometimes, all that a parent can do is listen. In other instances, a child’s music career can be front-page news. For parents without legal custody, legal responsibilities, and shared custody, the goal is the same: communicate with your children. Reward them for their achievements, and help them identify and pursue their goals in life.
It is that time again: time to address the child support calculation questions that often dominate our visits here on this blog. Each week, we reflect on some pretty crazy ideas and concepts that relate to custody, and this includes the way in which support is calculated. Think of this as a break from the usual discussion of factors and coefficients. We regularly create new posts for our readers, including ones that break down the various types of custody, visitation, and support-related questions that often take center stage in legal proceedings. If you would like to write a guest blog for us, reflect on the topics, and we will publish what you give us.
When I say that we reflect on some crazy ideas, I am talking about how we work from unconventional angles, and play with unexpected metaphorical formulas. The next time you listen to Pop ‘stache, remember the role that each piece in a composite score plays in the overall composition. Remember that there are times when a musician has a solo, and other times when they join in with everyone else. The same is true for any family, and each parent has a role to play in a child’s life. For more information on parental rights, you can visit Child Welfare Information Gateway.
