Dating During Legal Separation: Navigating the Challenges
We often hear the stories of love and loss, struggle and strength that are inherent in most music, yet sometimes we have to take a step back to remember that these same experiences happen in real life, even more so when there’s litigation involved such as a legal separation. Music is a form of escape; a way for us to process things that happened to us and around us. It could be personal experience, something you’ve witnessed or just something you’ve heard about. Therefore, when we get into the world of divorce or dating during legal separation, you may find it difficult to see this more recently tumultuous experience as a theme of a song like the more common, “Love is an Open Door” from Disney’s “Frozen” or the painfully sad, “Someone Like You”. When someone enters a relationship, they want to go on a certain path with them based on their personalities and interests. But, when you’re legally separated, you still have ties to each other, just not romantically. Of course, splitting time with kids, sharing property and visiting each other whether it’s a visitation or going out somewhere is now a part of your lifestyle. Emotionally, you may be conflicted about what you want to do and while you enjoy single life again, you don’t want to use it to hurt anyone. The lyrics to some songs can definitely illustrate this. The bottom line is that legal separation does not automatically mean you’re single. It can be just that: a separation.
Perhaps your divorce is a lot like Eminem’s “Mockingbird” where you are trying to keep some of the world from your ex while supporting someone else’s happiness. This idea of trying to divert the negative things that happened in your life goes hand in hand with their future. Maybe you’re in the “Bad Blood” category, where your relationship with your ex was one of those where you can’t stand the sight of each other. Or maybe you fall into the “Only Yesterday” category, where the things you did years ago seem to haunt you today. The important thing to remember is that while many people may make decisions to put their exes behind them, it may not happen as easily as others.
When someone dates during their legal separation, one of the biggest challenges is the issue of introducing this other person to their family. Are they going to like your new partner? What’s your ex going to say? How are you going to handle it if it doesn’t go well? It’s a constant fear and one that every person tries to avoid out of consideration for everyone involved. The fear of rejection is disconcerting and it’s human to fear the worst. The way people handle these scenarios can eventually help them grow into better people, parents and partners. Another challenge is trying to navigate the legal system, including the separation agreement. The person who is currently experiencing the legal separation has certain steps that they must follow in order to stay in compliance with the law, and your lawyer can help you with these issues. But that still does not resolve the fact that your ex is probably going to make every effort to make your life miserable because, quite honestly, they’re going to use any tactics they can to get the result they want. Divorce does not have to be about fighting for every little thing, though, and not every person does that. Sometimes, the best thing that you can do for yourself is to work together as a team and leave the anger behind you.
In my experience, as someone who offers services to separated parents, legal separation is just a pause button for many. Other people will go move on to getting a divorce right away, but, everyone processes their feelings differently, and that’s okay.
So, while dating during a legal separation might seem like an odd mix of events, actually, the truth is that it can mirror many themes found in music. Practically, the best thing that you can do is ensure that you and your ex-spouse are on amicable terms and work together to be appropriate connections with your children. In the case where your ex-spouse isn’t working with you, you need to speak to your attorney about the next steps that need to be taken to avoid further conflict.
